Are you facing an overwhelming problem right now and need help? Are you ill and need healing? Do you ever feel alone and no one is there to comfort and encourage you? Do you ever feel miserable and have suffered from confusion and lack of peace for a long time? Do you long for a loving God who understands you more than anyone else? Do you want to have a trustworthy best friend whom you can rely on, lean on and can help you solve all your problems and troubles? Do you desire happiness and peace; the kind of peace that surpasses all understanding and the happiness that lasts? Well, the answer to all this yearning can only be found in JESUS alone.
Yes, in JESUS alone, had I known this before maybe I have never suffered from depression and schizophrenia. Now, here is my story. In January of 2009, I gave up my job because I cannot focus anymore. I cannot write and I was so confused and I felt empty. I felt that someone was watching all my moves and I was lonely, alone and rejected because I loved two men but they rejected me. Then I sought help with a psychiatrist and she said I have depression. So she gave me some anti-psychotic pills. But it worsens my condition; I began to have some auditory and visual hallucinations. I also felt a different kind of nervousness; it’s as if I can’t breathe and my eyes started to roll up. My doctor said I have mild schizophrenia already and the nervousness or anxiety and eye roll up that I experienced are the side effects of the anti-psychotic medicines. She said it is just normal and did not recommend a new set of medications for me.
I felt unloved. Nobody cared for me except my family. I was so sad thinking that if I don’t have money, I will not be healed. I realized that I need to pay someone like a doctor just to listen to my agony. And if I don't have the money to pay for the doctor I will never get help. So what I did was just pray that I’ll be healed. I was still not a believer of CHTIST that time. I didn’t know that the name of GOD is JESUS, because I wasn’t taught and I didn’t read the Bible often. I didn’t know JESUS is our One True God that He died to save me from hell then. But, I always yearn for a loving and a closer relationship with GOD. I have been praying that GOD would draw closer to me. I prayed that prayer because I know and believe that in GOD alone I can find love, peace, happiness, and healing.
My anxiety was terrible I felt I would die. So, in hope of being healed, we went to a faith healer. We stayed one year in the church of that faith healer. Every day during that one year, we prayed the rosary in the altar and every Tuesday and Friday, the faith healer would heal us. I felt okay for the first few months but not completely healed though; then my condition worsened. I started to have fears. I feared that someone had raped my sister. I feared that the army would capture me because in my mind I have stolen some things and that they are going to put me in prison. I feared that someone would kill me and I was afraid to die. I believed in what the faith healer told me that the words I hear in my mind or my auditory hallucinations all the time were of the devil. Then in April of 2012, we have decided to go home because our land was already mortgaged, my father and mother also became sick and my sister has no work.
Fortunately, in August of 2012, I met our Pastor’s wife and she invited me to attend service in their church. I was persuaded because that was all I wanted, to get near to GOD and at last, the LORD answered my prayer. I started going to their church a born-again Christian Pentecostal church located in our village. Our Pastor's wife taught me about JESUS and I accepted JESUS as my Lord and Savior. The Pastor prayed over me every Sunday and sometimes he would visit me in our house and pray for me. And in October of that same year, I felt healed. That was a miracle. I was so thankful to the LORD that He healed me. The voices in my head are gone and I felt I have been set free. I was so happy. Then, another good thing happened; I was hired as an enumerator in a German research in November and December of that same year. It was only for two months but the pay was quite high than the normal job I get in the university. I was so happy. I was able to help provide for my family's needs especially that our two parcels of land are mortgaged and my father is bed-ridden already. Then, I got a new job at the university where I graduated as a Science Research Assistant in January of 2013. I was also baptized during that year.
As I began my walk with CHRIST, I offered my life to Him. I have some questions about Him and have some doubts but I did not give up my faith. I continue pressing forward. Until one morning I heard the sad news that my father died. After my father's death, I started hearing voices again. The voice wanted me to give up my life. I was so scared. I don’t want to give up my life. I was still young and I still want to be with my family and live a good life here on earth. So I just rejected the voice because I believe it was the devil. I stopped working because I cannot focus anymore and I felt always afraid. I know I wasn't praying too hard during those times. This is what I learned from my experience that we should always pray and commune with the LORD if we want to be healed.
To cut the long story short, I noticed that I heard some annoying voices in my mind every after four months of being healed. I had no peace. I long for it every day. I don't know what to do anymore. I was so depressed that I wanted to kill myself. I had this fear that I will be the reason that the earth would collapse because I believe it was God who was talking to me and He is testing me if I would kill the earth. I imagined that I am holding a sharp object tearing the earth apart. Then another voice would say "God made the earth through His words, what if I will tell you the words JESUS used in making the earth and then I will say kill that word, I think it would certainly kill the earth.” I was so afraid that the earth would collapse because of me. My fear became more severe when I had this visual hallucination that someone revealed to me the word JESUS used in creating water here on earth, I was so afraid that if I know that word, all the water would vanish. That sounds crazy but the fear was so real. I always feared it every waking day of my life. I even feared the world would collapse every time I heard the beat of the drum in the church. It was so exhausting because I always control my mind since I don’t want to imagine killing the earth or the water because killing is a big sin and I don’t want to sin, that was my belief. It was a struggle I got tired and I prayed that the LORD will remove my fears. But He didn’t until one day when I had that fear again I imagined killing myself with an axe. Then I fell asleep. Then the best morning came, as I prayed that JESUS will remove my fears, heal me and give me peace and rest, the angel of the LORD whispered to me this: "just ignore the voices, Jen, whenever you hear or imagine that the earth or water will vanish, just ignore it". Oh, what a glorious day, I felt peace and rest for my tired mind. I thank the LORD so much for that advice. I can't stop praising Him for that until now.
The voices came back again when I arrived in the US
Then my husband brought me to the hospital and I was admitted there for 20 days. When I went home from the hospital while I was lying on the couch, out of the blue I heard the voices again so I prayed saying LORD JESUS, please kill me, I can’t bear this suffering. Then suddenly I felt a soft touch in my whole head and in an instant the voices vanished as if they were removed in my system and then the LORD JESUS gave me peace. All the voices in my head were gone and I felt rested. Wooohh! I was healed but this time I believe I am completely healed because my healing lasted already for four years now. Since then, I felt overwhelming joy and peace. My anxiety, eye roll up, and schizophrenia were all healed. It is different when the LORD releases His Word and heals us because the healing is complete lacking nothing. I know it was JESUS who healed me. The confusion in my mind was removed and the LORD gave me a new heart: a believing, loving, caring, joyful and peaceful heart. He also removed all my fears and replaced it with goodness and gladness. Since that day of June 2016 , until now I did not hear any confusing voices anymore. Praise is to JESUS, my Healer and Comforter.
Since then I always feel loved and valued. I never felt alone and depressed anymore. I can feel the LORD is always by my side wherever I go. I communicate with JESUS every day. I love Him so bad that I don’t want to last a day without Him by my side. Every time I talk to Him I feel an immense love and kindness from Him that comfort me. I feel like a little child being loved and showered with enormous care by my loving heavenly Father. I feel I became more kind and sweet like JESUS. JESUS is perfect; He is so gentle and kind. He never ignores me. He is never angry with me. He loves me so much. And, just last month, He revealed to me the reason for my fear that the earth would collapse. He said, “I just want you to know that it was me who was talking to you and that I wanted you to talk to me and know me instead of ignoring me. I did that to get your attention and for you to focus on me instead of your problems. I want you to pray often and to trust me. Know that I am gentle and humble and I am a God of solutions and love not fear and confusion.” So, from then on I talk to Him every waking day of my life. And, you know what’s interesting about JESUS is, He misses me. Every time I tell Him “good night LORD”, I can feel His sadness because He said He will miss me. Oh, what a loving and kind GOD worthy of our love and trust. While I write this article now, I feel like I’m going to cry. I miss Him too.
I thank JESUS so much for giving me peace and healing me from schizophrenia. This verse in John 14:27 is indeed true, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” Certainly, all things are possible with JESUS. I never expected that I would reach this stage of my life, which I would still live and experience the great love, mercy, and grace of our precious GOD, JESUS CHRIST. Undoubtedly, this verse in John 15:7 holds true, it says, “If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be done for you”. JESUS is our faithful LORD and He asks us to be faithful to Him as well and live in accordance with His Words in the Bible so that He will give us whatever we ask in His name. If we ask healing, He will heal us as long as we abide in Him and His words. JESUS is our great Healer. He said in Jeremiah 30:17, “But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds, declares the LORD, because you are called an outcast, Zion
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